found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
