Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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