I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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