Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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