I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
