I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
