you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
