Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
