to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
