have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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