If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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