Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
