dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
