I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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