It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
