She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
