drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
