woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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