btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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