Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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