I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
