hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
