I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
