I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
