I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize