im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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