Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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