The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
