I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
