His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
please don't ironically join a cult
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