My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
