remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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