dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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