he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
