# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
