i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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