Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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