She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
