Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
