So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So much rum. So many feels.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
