Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
should my penis look like a turkey
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
