what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
