i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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