Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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