either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
