I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
