I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
