the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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