I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
