quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize