you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
