I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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