It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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