If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
