after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
