if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
