Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
