And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize