whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
