Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
