We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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