Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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