I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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