no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
