Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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