The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
