If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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