Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it glows. i had to have it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
