oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
this is an emotional support booty call
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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