Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
