You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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