why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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