i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize