Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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