You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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