I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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