Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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