you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
