There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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