we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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